


Boxers or Briefs

by f0rcryin0utl0ud



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, First Time, Humor, M/M, PWP without Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:29:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22351837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f0rcryin0utl0ud/pseuds/f0rcryin0utl0ud
Summary: "You've been staring at my ass for the past ten minutes."
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Kudos: 37





	Boxers or Briefs

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old SGA story that I never got around to posting here. Not beta'ed.

"Would you stop it?"

"Stop what?" McKay snapped, Sheppard's voice pulling him roughly from his thoughts.

"You've been staring at my ass for the past ten minutes," Sheppard answered, amusement clear in his voice.

"I have not! I was thinking!" Rodney replied testily.

"About my ass?"

The smirk pulling at Sheppard's lips was both annoying and endearing. Rodney hated it.

"I was thinking about boxers or briefs if you must know," he replied casually, grinning in satisfaction at the shocked expression on Sheppard's face and the slight blush creeping over his skin.

"E - excuse me?" He cleared his throat mentally assuring himself that his voice had NOT just cracked. 

"I was wondering if you wore boxers or briefs." Rodney’s smile was feral as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Taking a deep breath and telling himself that McKay was just yanking his chain, John mirrored his best friend's pose. "Do I want to know why?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Because if I have to hear one of my over sexed science team members expostulate one more time on what you wear I'm moving to the mainland!" Rodney huffed, pulling the scanner from his pocket. He scanned the area on the pretense of doing his job. There was nothing on this planet. The Wraith had culled the people right out of existence and there was little more than rubble left.

"What?!"

Sheppard was now completely thrown off balance by the information and Rodney enjoyed the thrill of being the one to have thrown him—granted he knew the information was what had him spluttering and blushing—who knew the Major was such a prude? "Please - you were quick enough to accuse me of staring at your ass - you're telling me you haven't seen the leering or heard the whispering by the majority of the women in Atlantis, not to mention a good portion of the men whenever you're around?" Rodney asked, telling himself that his tone did not at all make him sound jealous - he wasn't - at all. 

"No one leers... except maybe you, but I've grown used to that."

Sheppard rambled, tightening his arms around himself and glancing over his shoulder as if expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and divest him of his clothes - he felt far too exposed...especially with Rodney staring at him.

Rodney's jaw dropped, "I don't leer - and even if I did it certainly wouldn't be at you - it'd be at someone with breasts... and an ass!" Rodney was flailing his arms around in agitation - he didn't leer, dammit and definitely not at Major John Sheppard... okay there was that one time, but he'd been very discrete and it didn't count at all.

"Hey, I have an ass!" Sheppard's arms dropped to his side, hands clenched in fists as he glared at Rodney.

"Just not a very nice one," Rodney argued, his inner voice yelling at him to shut the hell up before this conversation became any more absurd.

"I have a great ass!" Sheppard all but yelled, his honor suddenly feeling threatened. Turning his back to McKay he grabbed the ass in question, squeezing his firm cheeks in hand and daring McKay to tell him his ass wasn't spectacular. And that's when it hit him - he was groping himself in front of McKay with the intention of forcing the man to admit he had a great ass - what the hell was wrong with him? He quickly released the handfuls of flesh and spun back to face McKay, the man's mouth slightly open and eyes darkened.

"I stand corrected," he managed to squeeze out of his suddenly too dry throat.

Sheppard gestured towards the jumper where Teyla and Ford were waiting for them, "We should get back to the jumper." 

McKay nodded and hurriedly passed by Sheppard, not looking the man in the eye and definitely not thinking about Sheppard's ass. John waited till McKay passed before following, a step behind - he wasn't about to have McKay walking behind him, not after he'd practically flaunted his ass at the man - why didn't he just say 'here McKay feel for yourself'? Shaking his head, he tried to dislodge the thought that the idea wasn't a horrible one. It was the air - obviously there was something in this planet's atmosphere that made otherwise perfectly sane people act like... they weren't.

Ford and Teyla smiled at them as they walked towards the jumper and Sheppard really hoped they'd been far enough away that neither of their teammates had heard his conversation with Rodney - that's just what he'd need. He stalked past his team and headed straight for the pilot seat, quickly sitting down, feeling relief that his ass wasn't on display anymore. He'd never thought so much about his own ass in his life - definitely something in the air.

_______

They'd been back from the mission for two days and neither Sheppard nor McKay had mentioned their conversation - in fact, they'd been actively ignoring and avoiding each other at all costs. McKay had barricaded himself in his lab, with enough food to last a month, and his mind set on figuring out the answers to all questions of the universe - or at the very least, he planned to figure out how to get Atlantis' systems to pull power from the big ass solar panel on the south tower.

He sighed irritably to himself, cursing his subconscious for supplying a crystal clear image of Sheppard's ass. What the hell was wrong with him? If he didn't know better - and if he hadn't already checked the systems three times - he'd think there was something in the air. 

His lab door whooshed open and he looked up, frowning as he watched John Sheppard peering back out the door before he shut and locked it. "What are you doing?"

"You! This is all your fault!" Sheppard hissed, pointing an accusing finger at McKay, as he stalked towards the desk.

"What are you talking about?" Rodney asked, in no mood to be patient with the man, all the while looking at anything and everything in his lab but John Sheppard.

"Two days! I've spent the last two days being leered at, hearing whispering behind my back - everywhere I look I see someone trying to get me out of my clothes!" He admitted that his little rant didn't exactly make sense, but the fact remained that it was all Rodney's fault.

"Oh, you poor man," Rodney replied, sarcasm dripping from each word as he finally looked at Sheppard, glaring at the man who was complaining that too many people wanted to get him naked. He didn't fail to see just how damn unfair the situation was - he'd kill to get some at this point - hell, Sheppard was starting to look good. He mentally rolled his eyes - he was not going to be taken in by this man. "How exactly is that different from every other day?" 

"Because now I KNOW!" Sheppard threw his hands up in frustration, practically flinging himself onto the stool beside McKay. "You couldn't have kept it to yourself?"

"I can't believe you!" McKay grimaced, shaking his head, "You are a man aren't you - I mean shouldn't you be taking advantage of your new found knowledge and plundering the inhabitants of our fair city?"

"Plundering? Jesus, McKay I'm not a god damned pirate."

"You know what I mean - why the hell are you complaining about people wanting to have sex with you?? Jesus I can’t even remember the last time I got laid!" McKay reached for a power bar, needing energy to deal with yet another of Major John Sheppard's weird quirks.

John sat and watched as Rodney chewed absently on his power bar before swallowing, "You should be thanking me for telling you there are dozens of people willing to get naked with you - "

"I'm not interested in getting naked with dozens of people, McKay," Sheppard ground out forcing himself to stop looking at Rodney's mouth.

"I don't mean all at once - we definitely don't need orgies on Atlantis...although if Teyla, Elizabeth and Kate..." Rodney's eyes dilated as his sex deprived mind supplied images of naked flesh on flesh before he realized where he was. "Sorry, where was I?" 

"Having impure thoughts about Teyla, Weir and Heightmeyer?" Sheppard supplied helpfully as he tried not to laugh at the look on Rodney face - the man was incapable of hiding any of his thoughts.

Rodney waved at him dismissively as he blushed, "We were talking about you and your seeming inability to perform."

Sheppard bristled, "I can perform just fine!"

Rodney rolled his eyes, walking towards his coffee pot, "Yes, yes Major I'm sure you're a regular energizer bunny - the fact remains you seem far too uninterested in the numerous people attracted to you to be... normal - which would lead one to assume there must be a reason you're not interested in the throngs of adoring Majorettes waiting to get you on your back." 

He was rambling, god he hated when he rambled - he was too brilliant to ramble, and yet the moment John Sheppard came in the room, he found himself incapable of coherent thought. Which usually led to him saying the first thing that came to mind and nine times out of ten it had gotten him slapped - though he admitted he didn't think John was the type to slap him. He mentally groaned as yet again he found his mind supplying unwanted images—he didn't just imagine John slapping him...naked. He was a dead man.

"That's...disturbing," John mumbled as he closed his eyes trying to shake out the images McKay's speech had created.

"What is?" McKay turned, coffee cup in hand to look at John.

"I just had a mental image of a dozen Atlantis personnel dressed as Majorettes standing outside my room." He shuddered at the thought - Bates does NOT look good in drag.

"Thank you, now I have it in my head," Rodney looked disgusted before taking a gulp of his coffee. He really didn't need to imagine a group of people milling outside John's quarters waiting for their turn to take Sheppard for a spin - it was annoying enough knowing these people existed.

"Besides, just because I don't want to have indiscriminate sex doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me." Sheppard walked towards McKay, reaching out for a cup of coffee. He frowned when McKay gasped and took a step away from him. "What?"

"N - nothing," he stuttered, walking quickly back to his lab table, putting his coffee down. He wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the black liquid.

Sheppard moved silently behind him. "Rodney?"

"I'm fine - just... too much caffeine... not enough food - is it getting hot in here?"

Sheppard observed the man before him, his military mind replaying the events of the last few days and coming to a startling conclusion—Rodney McKay liked him! He grinned mischievously as he leaned forward, whispering in Rodney’s ear, his voice pitched low—“Commando.”

Rodney emitted a strangled squeak as he spun around to face John. “What?”

John raised an eyebrow, leaning once again into Rodney’s personal space, “I said…”

“I heard you,” Rodney quickly interrupted, “why exactly are you telling me?”

“You wanted to know.”

“You’re confusing me with one of your groupies, Major.” He tried to sound snarky, tried to sound completely unaffected by how close John Sheppard was standing to him, but knew he was failing miserably. He slowly backed away from the man, finding himself pushed against one of the lab tables. 

Sheppard took another step forward and leaned his hands on either side of Rodney effectively trapping him. “You like me.”

“You’re delusional.”

“You really like me.”

“Stop it!” He tried to escape but it only made John move in closer. They were standing inches from one another and Rodney could feel the heat from John’s skin.

John’s breath tickled his throat as he bent his head, his lips barely touching skin, “Really like me.” 

Rodney gasped as John’s tongue touched his scorched skin and he grasped the table’s edge to keep himself steady. He felt callused hands slip under his shirt exploring his body. He tried to push away, to prove his protests were true, that he didn't want this - but god damn, Sheppard's hands were brilliant! His knuckles whitened as he gripped the table harder, fighting the urge to grope the man clinging to him. He was panting, actually panting as he felt Sheppard's lips trailing over his neck, fingers slipping down his back past the waist of his pants. Rodney moaned as he felt John's hands squeeze his ass pulling him closer feeling a definite tightening of his own pants as John's erection pressed against his thigh.

A strangled moan was torn from his lips when he felt John begin to grind against him. Wondering what the hell he was thinking trying to fight this, he grabbed John by the front of the shirt, spinning him around to pin him against the table. He tore at John's belt as he pressed his lips to John's suckling on his bottom lip before plunging his tongue deep into the warmth of John's waiting mouth. His hand slipped into John's pants and his own erection throbbed as he found Sheppard had been telling the truth. Curling his fingers around John's length he grinned as he swallowed John's moan of pleasure, reveling in the feeling of John thrusting into his hand.

He felt fingers fumbling with his own belt, tugging his pants and boxers past his hips. John pulled him even closer, lining them up and joining Rodney's hand in stroking. The rhythm was erratic until he finally managed to fire a few brain cells releasing his hold on John's erection and sliding his hands around his hips gripping his ass and pulling John to him. John's hands followed suit and they thrust against each other, skin on skin. Rodney kissed John's neck, sucking the skin into his mouth wanting to mark this man as his as John's teeth grazed Rodney's shoulder, their arms wrapped around one another.

Rodney absently thought it was a good thing that the walls in Atlantis were soundproof, as he heard John moaning his name, his panting becoming louder and more desperate, as he tried to pull in enough oxygen. He never would have pegged John Sheppard as a loud lover, but Rodney was more than up to the challenge of drowning him out with his own moans of pleasure. John's body felt spectacular under his hands and he never wanted to stop touching this man - the man who drove him crazy everyday, the man who was tightening his hold on Rodney's body, "Rodney... oh god... "

As John shivered through his release, the hot stickiness coating both their stomachs, Rodney felt himself reaching the edge, happily stepping over it to come screaming John's name. As the last twinges of orgasm rocked through them, Rodney laid his head in the crook of John's neck trying to catch his breath. He felt John's teeth graze his earlobe as he whispered, "You really, really like me."

"Smug bastard," Rodney panted, tightening his hold on John as he raised his head to capture John's lips in a searing kiss.

John grinned against his mouth, "Maybe we should continue this somewhere more private."

Rodney shivered, pulling back to grin mischievously at John, "What makes you think I want to?"

John glanced down at Rodney's dick, raising an eyebrow as it twitched - "Call it a hunch." With a wink he settled his clothes back in order and walked towards the lab door knowing Rodney wouldn't be far behind.

"You know..." Rodney said casually as he stared at John, "You really do have a great ass."


End file.
